Snow White and The Death Mother

Restoring her wounded instinct

Snow White is a story of a death mother, an archetype that actually wants to destroy the child. It includes both wishing harm on a child as well as setting the environment or situation so that harm becomes likely through intentional neglect. The archetype “death mother” sounds harsh, but can reflect a reality in trauma, neglect, and abandonment experiences.

In the original written version of the story from 1812 Snow White’s tormenter is her mother. In an 1819 version the story goes that her mother died in childbirth and that it is her stepmother who wants her dead. Either way, it is the person in the position of caregiving and nourishing the child who wishes her harm. This can also be a father, as in Hansel and Gretel. 

The death mother’s wish of harm on her child is confusing because the very person who is supposed to take care of you is the one who inflicts hurt. This can create uncertainty in the child about love and neglect, care and violence.

Snow White, after being hunted by her mother, eventually falls prey to multiple acts of false kindness - the “witch” with the apple. Snow White lacks discernment because of the abject cruelty of her mother. She cannot tell who is genuine and who is not. She cannot tell truth from tricks. This is common for people who have had confused representations of love and care.

It can be extra hard to see these patterns sometimes, because out in the world kindness isn’t always false. After Snow White was run out of her home, she had the experience of living with the dwarves who were very kind and protective. When the witch came to the door behaving sweetly, it was impossible for Snow White to discern her honesty. Her instincts had been injured by the lack of care in her childhood that would have taught her what true kindness feels like. With her instinctual self intact she may have been able to detect the manipulation of the witch, much as Hansel and Gretel do not immediately realize their danger at the witch’s candy house in the forest.

So where does that leave our characters who have been injured? In Hansel and Gretel we see that what is really required in their situation is the call to grow into adulthood, to locate our Inner Mother and take action on our own behalf. In Snow White we see that another avenue of reclaiming our intuition is safety in community. Her run-ins with her disguised mother who keeps trying to kill her distress the dwarves and they try to give her advice on how to take her safety into her own hands. But her injured instincts continue to be problematic. 

From both Snow White and Hansel and Gretel, we learn then that the important task when we have injurious parents is that we need to learn to protect ourselves. Snow White gives us a little more instruction on that, as she has a community that understands that cruelty and love do not have the same source. If there is cruelty and wishes of harm, that is not where we want to learn our self-protection mechanisms. We specifically need to look to others for models of protection and care. We need to heed their teachings. We need to be able to identify who wishes us well and learn from them the skills we were not taught as children. 

To survive the Death Mother we must cultivate a strong practice of discernment. It can be helpful to question our instincts and inner voice when we know they have been injured. The question we can ask ourselves is “Is this nourishing and/or protective”? This retrains our instincts toward a supportive kind of care, the kind where we can rest into it and know that we are safe, held, and we can set down our vigilance without risk.

May we all restore our injured instincts and inner voices. May we all have that safe and nourishing love. May we re-create our Inner Mother based on nourishing and protective care.